View Resistance as Cooperation

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© 2003, Coert Visser
Many consultants, trainers and coaches every now and then feel that their clients are showing resistance. The consultant enthusiastically provides good advice but the cliënt says: ”Nice try, but that doesn’t work here.” A management coach gives a homework assignment but the manager does not do it. A trainer tries his best before a training group but one of the trainees remarks: “All of this is completely useless.” This type of reactions can sometimes drive nearly you, as a competent, hardworking and well-intending professional, to desperation. You would like to get mad and yell: “Fine, if you know everything so well, why don’t you do it yourself?” I have even heard a trainer say: “I was nearly ready to strangle that client!”


My tip is to look differently at resistance. Work from the assumption that your cliënt nearly always wants you to succeed. This is why that is so: if you succeed, your client is helped and money is well spent. This means the clients wants to cooperate with you. No matter how clumsy or unfriendly a cliënt sometimes expresses him self, viewing his behavior as an attempt to cooperate can be very helpful. It is your task to try to figure out how the client wants to help you.

The next time you notice ´resistance´ you might ask something like: “I want to check if we are following the right approach.” Or:” I understand that this approach is not working for you. What approach would be more useful for you?" This has several advantages: Firstly, doing this is taking your cliënt very seriously and this is almost always very much appreciated. Secondly, your behavior makes it easy for the cliënt to express what is bothering him. Maybe you’re going too fast for him. Maybe he has tried this approach before and it did not work. No matter what the reason is, the cliënt will be convinced that what he has to say is very relevant for you to know. And he tries to help you by letting you know. So thirdly, it makes it easier for the cliënt to help you adjust your approach and therby make you more effective. ´Resistance´can help you discover what is important for this specific cliënt. By understanding what your cliënt tries to tell you can better adjust your approach to the specific situation of this specific cliënt at this specific time.

I don’t claim that viewing resistance as cooperation be effective in every situation with every cliënt but I do predict that will often be effective.
This article was inspired by Steve de Shazer's article The Death of Resistance (1984)

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