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© 2008, Coert Visser 1. Advocates and skeptics of complimenting Complimenting is attractive for many people. Most people prefer to and view it as more constructive to say something positive than to say something negative. After all, who does not want to be appreciated for what he does? Although everybody makes mistakes now and then, most people mean well, don't they? This way of reasoning is surely plausible which may explain why I frequently hear people saying that is good and important to compliment frequently. They claim that this is the best way to motivate people. It is correct that complimenting can be useful. An adequate compliment provides us with the type of feedback that can help us become aware of which of our behaviors are effective. Furthermore, a compliment can make you realize that there is someone who is paying attention to you and who feels involved with what you do. This is why complimenting effectively can be useful in different contexts like parenting, education...

I would like to invite you to do an exercise today I call 'complimenting forward´. Here is how it works: Notice compliments: pay specific attention to any compliment you get, no matter how small or implicit Accept compliments: accept compliments thankfully. Don’t be modest, don’t deny you did a good thing Compliment forward: for each compliment you receive today, compliment two other people yourself (on this same day) Pay attention to what happens… and if you like it, keep on doing it Compliments are underrated Compliments are possibly the most underrated social tool we have. All of us hunger for recognition and a compliment offers just this. If done right, a good compliment provides the kind of feedback that helps us become aware of just which of our behaviors are effective. On top of that a compliment shows there is somebody who who pays attention to you and cares for you. A good compliment can really make your day! Yet most of us find it very hard to give and receive compliment...